Sex Therapy And Sexuality Coaching

for

Seniors, Older Individuals & Couples

Sexuality is a lifelong Journey…

Sex & Women Over 50:

Some issues that may arise for a woman around sex after 50 include

• hormonal changes that can lead to vaginal dryness and sometimes painful sex because the vaginal tissue becomes more delicate and thinner.

• Orgasms may take longer to have.

• It's really important that women of ages but particularly post-menopausal women know that lubrication (lube) is their friend.

Don't be afraid to experiment with different types of lube. There are water based, silicon based, and oil based lubes, the latter being incompatible with condoms and most dildos.

For post-menopausal women water based lubes are best because they are better for people with sensitive skin. One can even try to find one that has a similar pH range as vaginas. Vagina's typical healthy range is between 3.8-4.5 pH. The lube's pH scale can usually be found on the manufacturer's website.

It's important to recognize there are a lot of mental, emotional, and physiological changes that happen around sex and sexuality after menopause. One impact can be a decrease in libido, which is often a combination of the physiological changes and decreased hormones coupled with the changes in one's sense of self.

Libido is a complex experience impacted by interpersonal relationships, diet, mental well-being, hormones, and other internal and external factors. Deepening intimacy with one’s partner, working with a sex therapist, cultivating a self-pleasure practice, meditation, and exercise can all help increase libido and connect one to one's somatic self.

And again lube can really make a dramatic difference because even if someone is psychologically aroused, the body may not become lubricated naturally, so adding some into the mix can really help with the sexual experience.

Sex & Men over 50:

For those over 50 with a penis, it's common to need more physical and mental stimulation to get erect. There are often erectile issues or not becoming a firm as before. They often notice a drop on their libido as well. Other issues around circulation and prostrate or hormone shifts also account for erectile difficulties. Explore prostate massage and various types of stimulation. For those with erectile difficulties, explore other sensual and sexual pleasures… don’t put all the focus on intercourse.

For all genders and sex, having a drop or change in libido isn't necessarily a bad thing. It can be seen as a natural shift; people can make more intentional time to have sex with one another and/or themselves and enjoy other types of connection such as cuddling, talking, being in nature, and sharing meals. Sex often decreases in frequency as people age, but deepens in satisfaction and intensity.

A lot of people have internalized cultural expectations about sex and sexuality that might not align with their current stage in life while in their 50's. Embracing their authentic sexual selves is extremely important at this time.

Sexuality is a life long experience that goes through many different stages. Solo experiences as well as partnered sex promote overall physical and emotional well-being. It increases one's serotonin levels and endorphins, promotes healthier circulation and psychological and physiological relaxation. In particular, partnered sex promotes intimacy and connection in relationships.

Disparate Libidos Between Partners:

Partners experiencing disparate libidos is one of the most common issues that sex therapists and sexologists work with. Figuring out the core needs of each partner and how to bridge them is an important step in cultivating a rich and satisfying sexual experience. Also expanding beyond the social construct that sex must include intercourse - one partner can be with their partner while they masturbate or use toys and can still connect deeply with them even if one partner doesn't want to be actively engaged in specific sexual acts. Sex has a wide array of enjoyable activities; don’t focus so much on intercourse, but let that be just one choice on the menu.

 Toys and masturbation can enhance a sex life. There are so many types of toys to chose from, depending on preference and need. It's worth exploring different types of intensity in vibrators and sizes of dildos. Remembering that sex in general and great sex in particular can occur without an erection or penetration, and changing one’s mindset about that is also important for people dealing with erectile difficulties

Pre-pandemically speaking, toy stores like San Francisco based Good Vibrations Stores were an excellent place to get in-person advice on what toy could best meet your needs. Now you can do so much research online to determine what kind of stimulation you need and then shop on toy stores' websites for delivery. You could also call and get advice from the folks working at the shop as well (or talk with a sex therapist). That said, typically silicon toys are great for sanitary and durability needs.

Sex therapists are trained to understand the physiological and physical needs of people at different stages of life. They can guide partners in discussions around sex and desire and provide intimacy building activities between sessions. Sex therapy benefits of people of all adult ages