TIME OUT, SO YOU CAN TUNE IN WITH YOUR PARTNER (OR HOW TO DEESCALATE CONFLICT)

We Speak Relationship.

San Francisco Couples Therapy

“We live in the shelter of each other.

— Celtic Proverb

Learning how to take space while staying connected to your love & commitment for one another is essential to a lasting healthy partnership. Pre-arranged  time out agreements may be a valuable resource in your relationship toolbox.  

Relationship Rescue Tip:

How to deescalate an argument.

• In the heat of an argument, things can quickly escalate and a lot of unnecessary damage to your relationship can happen - sometimes in a matter of seconds or minutes. Learning how to take effective time outs is essential to managing these types of arguments. Time outs allow each individual in the partnership to settle their nervous system and process from a settled, rather than triggered, place.

• Did you know that when you have an argument with your partner your nervous system gets activated, your amygdala takes over, (think flight, freeze, fight) and your frontal cortex, or the reasoning part of the brain, goes offline?  This prevents you from rationally thinking, hearing or speaking clearly.  Not much good is likely to happen when you are both operating from this very old hardwired part of the brain that is designed for survival.

• Try looking around at your surroundings (orienting) and breathing slowly to settle your nervous system.  Notice the space you're in... What colors do you see? Where are your eyes drawn to look? What sounds do you hear? Is your breathe in your belly or chest?  Place your hand on your lower belly and breathe into it.  Feel your feet on the ground if standing, and if seated, focus on the support of the chair underneath you.  If you can, perhaps you may even invite an ever-so slight smile to appear, as this signals to your nervous system that you are safe and that it can settle.

• Take a time out. It may take 20 minutes, sometimes even an hour, for your nervous system to fully calm down.  Quietly allow the time for this to happen before you and your partner reengage in discussion. Try to avoid distractions like social media and TV during this time.  Also do not ruminate on the fight or what you think your partner did wrong.  Just breathe and focus on the here and now.

• Once you are both calm, check in with one another.  Only move into a repair conversation once you are both settled.  If either partner's nervous system gets activated again, take another time-out until you can get through the repair talk and resolve the issue. 

• Try this next time you're in an argument with a loved one and take a time out.    It may even save your relationship. 

Schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to get started on the path to a happier, healthier and connected relationship! 

YOur partNer Can’t MeeT All your sexual needs

We Speak Sexuality. We Speak Relationship. We Can Help.

Expert sexologists, sex therapists and sexuality coaches can help you cultivate the embodied and empowered sex life you desire.

We can’t sync up one hundred percent with anyone’s sexuality because each individuals sexuality is so unique that it’s like a fingerprint. 

Don’t try to make your sexuality fit into your partners and don’t expect them to fit into yours. Instead enjoy exploring what you can create together! 

🌸

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Talk about Sex This WeEkend!

Talking about sex with your partner(s) is so important. It helps keep things fresh, keeps the spark alive when you’re not having sex and allows you to hear and share boundaries, fantasies and desires. A sexologist, sex therapist or sex coach can help you with this conversation as well. #sexology #sexologist #wespeaksex #wespeakrelationship #sextherapy #couplesadvice #relationshipgoals #consciousliving #consciouslove #consciousrelationships #intimacycoach #intimacy #humansexuality #sexeducation #sexeducator #sexologicalbodywork #sanfranciscosextherapycenters #sanfranciscosextherapy #sanfrancisco #losangeles #losangelessextherapy #portlandoregon #santacruz #berkeley #oakland #marriagecounseling #lovecoaching #lovecoach #goodmorning #couplestherapist

Why Transitions are sexy (& so importaNt to your Relationship Health: SF Sex Therapist Shares…

We Speak Connection.

Our world renowned sexologists and sex and couples therapists can help you cultivate deeper emotional and sexual intelligence and connection.

Let’s talk!

Transitions are so important in attachment. They can be as mundane (yet beautiful) as a daily sunset and the comings and goings of individuals back into togetherness... but it is a time of vulnerability. We are wired to connect and even subtle transitions and changes call for mindful embodied attunement. Simply put, have a belly to belly and heart to heart embrace with your partner, or offer words of affirmation or simply hold hands and smile. Making out is a delicious way to keep the flow of connection moving forward.... notice these small opportunities and jump into them, as they are ultimately extremely important. @sanfranciscosextherapy #connection #sexyconnections #intimacy #love #secureattachment #transitions #couplesadvice #relationship #sextherapist #sextherapy #sexology #sexologist #sexologistlife #wespeakrelationship #wespeaksexuality #wespeaksex #sanfrancisco #sanfranciscosextherapycenters #sanfranciscosextherapy #love #goodnight #together #loveadvice

What is connection & InTimacy? San francisco sex theRapist Explains….

We Help Build Intimate & Loving Relationships & Cultivate Authentic Sexuality.

Our San Francisco Bay Area and National And Global sexologists, Sex therapists and

CONNECTION & INTIMACY- we all need and desire it. It’s a fundamental human quality.

At the core of every intimate relationship, is the need to know that your partner will show up for you in a loving and engaged way. To feel safe in an intimate relationship, you need to know that your partner will be accessible, responsive to your needs and engaged in the partnership.

As a highly specialized therapy center, we believe in treating you as a whole person whose intimacy & relationship needs & issues are rooted in the context of your life. Rather than operate as a managed-care driven mental health clinic, we work for you & not the insurance companies. Our top sex & couples therapists work with you holistically, while utilizing the latest cutting-edge modalities rooted in attachment & neuroscience.

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How to Find Your Overlapping YES-es (& Discuss Boundaries) in Sex with a Partner & Navigate Boundaries (No's)

We Speak Sexuality.

We Speak Relationship.

Learn how to talk sex: schedule a call!

Q & A:

Question:

How do you talk about the NO list?

Answer:

Gently and honestly while not having sex.

Discuss it in a neutral environment and possibly with the support of a professional sex therapist or intimacy coach.

Our partnered sexuality is comprised of our matching yeses and the possible exploration of maybe’s and the respect of boundaried NO’s. This is a fun and interesting activity to share with a partner: get out paper and write your yes please, maybe and hard boundaries and then see what parts of your overlapping sexuality you have to play and explore with.

Also this conversation can lead to deepened intimacy around sharing and understanding each other’s boundaries.

Keep in mind that this is a vulnerable discussion and treat it with extra respect and care.

Share your No List honestly and gently- when you are not having sex (much easier then in the moment). You can have a discussion about boundaries, and things you don’t necessarily feel comfortable with). One structured way is to invite your partner(s) to each write down a list of yes, no and maybe sexual activities. Then use that list to reference in your candid conversation about your possible shared sexual interests as well as the areas that you explicitly do not want to do (NO = Boundary).

Having a structured way of sharing your desires (yes), possibilities (maybe) and boundaries (no) to cultivate an open and authentic intimacy building experience in conversation.

Also, if you think you can benefit from the skilled and non-judgmental support from a third party, a professionally trained sexologist or sex therapist, they can help you facilitate the exploration and conversation. At San Francisco Intimacy & Sex Therapy Centers, we have dozens of practitioners locally and also globally that are available to help in such matters.

In all matters of sex, consent is vital and a NO or even a MAYBE is a boundary. If a partner disregards that, or pressures you, then deeper relational issues need to be addressed. Alternatively, if you are struggling to speak your needs and boundaries, a relationship counselor can help.

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Authentic Communication & Navigating Boundaries are our Forte at SF Intimacy & Sex Therapy Centers

We Speak Relationship.

We can help you develop healthy intimacy and communication skills.

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Consent always requires explicit affirmation. Silence is not consent. We speak relationship and can help you learn more effective and authentic communication. #consent #consentissexy #wespeakrelationship #sanfrancisco #sanfranciscosextherapycenters #sanfranciscolife #wespeaksexuality #sanfranciscosextherapy #sexologist #sexoligistslife #sextherapy #life #intimacycoach #truth #couples #couplegoals #couplestherapy #communication #authentic #authenticity #innertruth #communicationskills #intimacyexpert